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Any thoughts that "swinging" can enhance or enliven marraiges ?

Type: General

Submitted by graymane (33)
Sexual monotony sets in, yes 4% 1 Votes
Pursuit for more spice, yes 11% 3 Votes
Perhaps fleeting thoughts 11% 3 Votes
Haven't given it any thoughts 30% 8 Votes
Unworthy of any thoughts 26% 7 Votes
other, please comment 19% 5 Votes

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27 Votes Total

Apr 10, 2012

Poll Replies (15)

Replies to the user poll above.

Msg # User Message Date


tangub (155) I just knew this had to be a graymane poll lol....never given it any thought nor would i ever be likely to, being married to a young woman half my age gives me more than enough spice already.
04-10-12  03:39am

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Jay G (67) Tried it years ago, but it carries too much psychological baggage. The fantasy is much better than the reality.

Monogamy with porn for my fantasies is the recipe that works best for me. Pleasing one person in the real world is work enough.....

04-10-12  04:41am

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pat362 (373) There is an inherent problem with a swinging life style when it comes to how the genders view sex in general. Guys can have sex without an emotional attachment but women tend to require a certain level of attachment. Incorporating swinging into the couples sex life can be a big problem in the long run because the woman can fall in love with one of her sex partner. Of course a guy could fall in love with one of his partner as well but I think the term love might be more like greta sex with said partner.

The other problem is more in regards to discussing the subject of swinging with your wife/husband. I personally think that it's more likely to be the man that will want to do it than the woman but the end result is going to be the same. If you bring up the subject than your wife is going to first think that she isn't good enough for you anymore so you have lost the war without having done a single battle. No matter that you bring up the subject. She will always think that you want to cheat or have cheated. I suspect that most of those couples end up in a divorce. If you are childless then no big deal but if you have children then your desire to fuck other people is going to also fuck them and they will probably never really forgive you.

04-10-12  06:31am

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Cybertoad (Disabled) There are a million aspects, like the immortal Band NickleBack said in their song ANIMALS,

Ain't nothing wrong with it
Just acting like we're animals
No, no matter where we go
'Cause everybody knows
We're just a couple of animals "

Males love the hunt, in some primeval way porn does that for guys. We see a possible mate and want to engage in coitus. If an actual person was there and you were mating with another mate, assuming you already have one, well this could cause fear of one women losing and not being the best mate for the man.
Ya ya ya , women want equal rights etc, but at the primeval, level they want to be stalked ( in a good way lol ) and hunted and mated, this shows them they are good mating stock as well as the male that consumes them. People are all about civilized behavior, but sex is not civilized it is at the core of what makes us human to want to have out DNA survive. However women are often more deep in feeling this need, where it is biological for men in general.


04-10-12  07:41am

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gaypornolover (38) If both partners are okay with it I see no harm - I've spoken to swingers in the past and they've seemed happy with it - but I don't think it's right for most people.
04-10-12  12:15pm

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Drooler (220) For some people, fine. For me, no, because it's not what I'd get married for, which is a life partner. Trouble with the marriage would not be solved through the deliberate distraction away from dealing with it by having sex with other people, and it could make it even harder to resolve the issues.

It's like booze. Getting drunk is an escape. The trouble will still be waiting at hangover time.

04-10-12  01:59pm

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hodayathink (18) REPLY TO #3 - pat362 :

There is an inherent problem with a swinging life style when it comes to how the genders view sex in general. Guys can have sex without an emotional attachment but women tend to require a certain level of attachment. Incorporating swinging into the couples sex life can be a big problem in the long run because the woman can fall in love with one of her sex partner. Of course a guy could fall in love with one of his partner as well but I think the term love might be more like greta sex with said partner.

That is such a complete and total antiquated assumption based on a gender stereotype. Women are just as capable as men nowadays of having sex without the need to have a relationship. Hell, women have always been just as capable mentally, it's just that society tended to instill in them that love was required before sex. But society and cultural values have changed, and women aren't getting that idea drilled into their heads much anymore, so they go out and have hookups and one night stands whenever they want, just like men do.

04-10-12  05:08pm

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RustyJ (145) No, I don't think so. If you relation is breaking up or in troubled times, loosening up even more isn't likely to save it.
04-10-12  09:28pm

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graymane (33) Just what I expected.
Although it's fair to allude a bunch of guys who're openly porn-users, collectively in the practice of seeking variety in women and what the main-stream deems "unconvntional sexual behavior, namely us, would be the worse offenders of this wife-swapping game.
But from the few messages already tendered here, and what I've observed over time from my participation in our forum, I believe I can qualifedly give our PU gang rightful acclaim for a respectful percentage abiding fidelity and sanctity of vows.
And they can pit that with any other high-profile groups -- whether it be devil worshiping, honorable professions, or right on up to the holier-than-thou Kingfish and yokem followers.
I think We all know of the numerous skeletons inhibiting the closets of those goody-two-shoes, self-ordained zelots and proper community darlings.

I firmly believe ours is the major result of not hiding from our interest in porn -- and, more importantly, the sincere absence of hypocrisy and where we stand on our positions here.

If I were to give one golden example of the total summation of all that is good brought forth herein by our esteemed poll participants, the honor would personally go to messmer. I dare say he's not only a faithful mate and loyal provider for the needs of his chosen love ... he's demonstrated a path that we, as well as those outside the porn community would do well to follow.

Sorry, fellows , didn't mean to stray off topic... somebody's gotta break a couple legs on soapbox

04-10-12  09:29pm

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jberryl69 (Disabled) Swinging takes two to tango, so it could work if two people were in a secure relationship and understood the role that sex would play and were not into using the play as ammunition for their anger over other issues. Another words, one in a million chance. Apparently some porn actors who are married can do it (or at least something like it) and manage just fine. But I suspect that the majority of us, even if we were secure enough, could not find a mate who was. I do admire people who can make this work, but alas, I have never been that secure in a relationship as to want to swing my partner. Morally, it's better than cheating. Reality, fat chance.
04-11-12  09:39am

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pat362 (373) REPLY TO #7 - hodayathink :

I'm 45 so my view on the genders is based on my upbringing and I think that modern women have been sold the idea that they can have sex in the same way that guys do but I don't think that's possible and it shouldn't. Guys can have sex with as many women as they want to and they will never get pregnant, will never have to decide to get an abortion because their bed partner was in it for a quickie, will never have to raise a child by themselves, are less likely to have major complication from an STD and society still judges genders differently when it comes to multple sex partners. A guy can sleep with many women and that's never as bad as if a woman does the same thing.

I also believe that no matter what women do in regards to sex. They still want love to be involved and if you think differently then go into any bookstore and look at the romance section and you'll see that romance novels are just as popular now as they were 40 years ago. I'd even be willing to say that they are more popular now because they target a wider audience than they did decades ago.

04-11-12  10:05am

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messmer (137) Interesting responses so far. I would just like to add that not only women need to feel emotionally involved before they have sex but that some men (me) are built the same way .. which would leave out casual sex or a swinging life style.

That wonderful feeling of "oneness" as you hold your loved one will never be replaced by sexual adventurism. I am not judging those who embrace the swinging life style. This world is a marvelously diverse place and I like it that way ... just saying it wouldn't be for me, not only because of loyalty to my wife but also because of the way I am built.

My statements refer to the past, of course, I'd be too old now for anything that's not porn! :-)

04-11-12  10:24am

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hodayathink (18) REPLY TO #11 - pat362 :

Let's see:

While men don't get pregnant, nowadays if they end up fathering multiple children with different women, they end up with tons of child support payments, which isn't a small thing at all. So it's not like men can do whomever they want without any consequence. Not to mention that little thing called birth control, which makes it so that women can have all the sex that they want with very little chance of getting pregnant (which, while around in your formative years, has gotten much better since). And men are just as likely to catch an STD from having sex with an infected partner as women are.

And, really? Romance novels prove that women want to be loved? First of all, I'm going to completely ignore the fact that you just suggested that men don't want to loved, they just want to have sex with anything they find attractive. And present the counterpoint of "Sex in the City" and media of that ilk, which is basically centered around the fact that while, yes, women do want to be loved (just like everyone does), they don't consider themselves a slave to it, and are willing to go around having fun until that man shows up. As someone who watches a decent amount of porn, you should know that what you fantasize about and what you actually do in real life usually aren't the same thing.

04-11-12  11:08am

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turboshaft (24) Since I haven't ever given marriage much thought I can't say that I have given much thought to swinging either. I figure if you want to introduce multiple partners to the relationship then marriage (monogamous, at least) may not be the best thing for you, and certainly not for your significant other.

Though what tangub wrote above certainly sounds like an attractive alternative--though admittedly I'll have to wait at least six or seven years to legally do the same!

04-11-12  10:56pm

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yote78 (5) If, by swinging, you mean the "throwing your car keys in the salad bowl" type...never. I think that would be terribly awkward and false. (See Joan Allen's 1997 film, "The Ice Storm," a truly great movie)

However, a little extra-marital action with someone with whom you have at least some small emotional connection, then I would consider that. In fact, I've done more than consider it...

04-28-12  09:49am

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