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| Porn Users Forum » How to get out of doing the Weekly Shop. |
| 1-21 of 21 Posts | Page 1 |
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| 01-26-10 10:18am - 5228 days | Original Post - #1 | |
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Capn (0)
Active User  Posts: 1,740 Registered: Sep 05, '09 Location: Near the Beer! |
How to get out of doing the Weekly Shop. Here is a handy guide to getting out of the wife / girlfriend dragging you down to the supermarket for the weekly shop. Two or three of your favourites from below should do it: ;0) 1) Get an armful of packs of condoms & place them in other peoples' trolleys when they aren't looking. 2) When in housewares set all the alarm clocks to go off at five minute intervals. 3) Lay a trial of tomato juice on the floor leading to the 'feminine products' section. 4) Walk up to a shelf stacker & say in an official tone: 'Code 3 in Breakfast Cereals.' 5) Set up a tent in the Outdoor Dept. & tell fellow shoppers they can come in if they bring sausages & a Calor Gas Stove. 6) If asked 'Can I help you?' burst into tears & reply 'Why can't you people just leave me alone!' 7) Look into a security camera & pick your nose. 8) Whilst looking at knives in the Kitchenware Dept. ask a member of staff where the anti-depressants are. 9) Whilst you are there, try a few funnels of varying sizes on for the 'Madonna look.' ;0) 10) Dart around suspiciously, loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible. 11) Hide in a clothing rack & when a shopper comes near browsing shout...PICK ME! PICK ME! 12) When there is an announcement over the loudspeaker, go into the foetal position & scream: 'NO NO....NOT THE VOICES AGAIN!' It works! Cap'n. :0) Admiral of the PU Hindenburg. 2009 PU Award Hilarious Post of the Year 2010 PU Award ( I would have preferred it to be Helpful Post of the Year for Guys who Hate 'Retail Therapy' ) :0/ Sanity is in the eye of the Beholder! Edited on Jan 26, 2010, 10:22am | |
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| 01-26-10 10:52am - 5228 days | #2 | |
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Denner (0)
Active User  Posts: 1,217 Registered: Mar 03, '07 Location: Denmark |
Just Great..... Weekend at the supermarked is just a bummer... Going to try out some of these tips. Like No. 8 (far out) - and 1 and 2.........or maybe all... - and then leave doing No. 12 "I don't drink anymore - I freeze it, and eat it like a popcicle" | |
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| 01-26-10 01:38pm - 5227 days | #3 | |
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Wittyguy (0)
Active User  Posts: 1,138 Registered: Feb 04, '08 Location: Left Coast, USA |
13) Get caught shoplifting from the store and get barred for life (extreme measures and not recommended unless you truly despise shopping). 14) Ponder out loud about which kinds of vegetables your wife might "like" the best. Ask the supermarket girls which veggies they prefer. 15) Test the sneeze guards near the deli area to make sure they work correctly. 16) Walk around randomly shaking up soda and beer cans/bottles. 17) Whenever she picks up something that is overly healthy complain out loud about how it's just going to aggravate your hemorrhoids or gout. 18) Start reading all the nasty ingredients and fat content info out loud to her. Frankly, I find all that I have to do is pretty much be myself in order to get out of shopping. However, since I like to cook and do a much better job of cooking than she does I actually look forward to the weekly store trip. She knows better than to take me a shopping mall and make me follow her around. | |
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| 01-26-10 09:16pm - 5227 days | #4 | |
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badandy400 (0)
Active User  Posts: 869 Registered: Mar 02, '08 Location: ohio |
My girlfriend goes to great measures to avoid taking me into Walmart. All I do is bitch and moan while there and speak loudly about how trashy many of the people look. Another thing you can do is take thing out of people's carts. They are going to notice a box of jumbo sized rubbers, but take out something they already picked up and they likely will not notice it. When he gets home his wife tears him a new asshole for not picking up the fat free cheese! You ultimately are doing that guy a favor because then his wife will not trust him to do the shopping either. :) "For example, badandy400 has taken it upon himself to become the one man Library of Congress for porn with a collection that surely will be in Guinness Book of World Records some day." ~Toadsith~ PU Interview | |
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| 01-26-10 10:07pm - 5227 days | #5 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
Uh oh, let's not bad mouth Walmart, badandy. I already went down that road last month and it didn't go too well. "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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| 01-26-10 10:18pm - 5227 days | #6 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
Funny (and a just a little weird) list, Cap'n! Good to see that you haven't let adulthood take all the fun and foolishness out of you--just like the rest of us here. In fact judging by the list it's a wonder your significant other would even risk taking you anywhere.
This first suggestion might not work for me, since my grocery store keeps the condoms behind a counter with the batteries and film (sounds like all the necessary ingredients for a fun-filled weekend...). I guess because guys like you kept using them to play pranks on other customers. ;) "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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| 01-27-10 03:13pm - 5226 days | #7 | |
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Capn (0)
Active User Posts: 1,740 Registered: Sep 05, '09 Location: Near the Beer! |
The disclaimer is in my sig. ;0) Cap'n. :0) Admiral of the PU Hindenburg. 2009 PU Award Hilarious Post of the Year 2010 PU Award ( I would have preferred it to be Helpful Post of the Year for Guys who Hate 'Retail Therapy' ) :0/ Sanity is in the eye of the Beholder! | |
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| 01-27-10 08:34pm - 5226 days | #8 | |
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badandy400 (0)
Active User Posts: 869 Registered: Mar 02, '08 Location: ohio |
What? The listed seemed pretty sane to me! "For example, badandy400 has taken it upon himself to become the one man Library of Congress for porn with a collection that surely will be in Guinness Book of World Records some day." ~Toadsith~ PU Interview | |
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| 01-27-10 08:55pm - 5226 days | #9 | |
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slutty (0)
Active User Posts: 475 Registered: Mar 02, '09 Location: Pennsylvania |
Not porn related, but the Walmart bashing thing totally reminded me of this site. http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ Probably already seen it, but pretty humorous. Hopefully the folks at your local store are a tad classier... slutty Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited. | |
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| 01-27-10 09:14pm - 5226 days | #10 | |
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badandy400 (0)
Active User Posts: 869 Registered: Mar 02, '08 Location: ohio |
Thanks Slutty for that much needed laugh! Unfortunately, if I carried a camera at my local wally-Worlds I could make a fair contribution to that site. "For example, badandy400 has taken it upon himself to become the one man Library of Congress for porn with a collection that surely will be in Guinness Book of World Records some day." ~Toadsith~ PU Interview | |
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| 01-27-10 09:15pm - 5226 days | #11 | |
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WeeWillyWinky (0)
Active User  Posts: 243 Registered: Jun 03, '07 Location: Havasu City, AZ USA |
Great list, cap'n. I literally LOL'd. My ex-wife grew tired of taking me to K-Mart because every time we went I wanted to cruise around in the women's underwear section. Still one of my favorite haunts, by the way. **Why do I get the feeling you'll know the source of my new sig? No fair googling. You know what I hate the most about selfish people? It's that they don't think enough about MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Edited on Jan 27, 2010, 09:19pm | |
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| 01-28-10 01:31am - 5226 days | #12 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
Probably not if creeps like me are buying shit there! ;) I swear that the second Walmart starts selling hardcore magazines (and/or DVDs, the choice is up to them) at their low prices I will stop the bad mouthing and start spreading free propaganda for them ad nauseam! Hopefully they will sell the porn within equal distance of both cleaning supplies and condoms, just to make it quicker to shop for happy-fun-time weekends. "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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| 01-28-10 01:33am - 5226 days | #13 | |
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turboshaft (0)
Active User Posts: 1,958 Registered: Apr 01, '08 |
Is this the source of your avatar? Based on real life experiences? "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hardcore Commie works." - Gen. Jack D. Rippper, Dr. Stranglove | |
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| 01-28-10 06:58pm - 5225 days | #14 | |
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WeeWillyWinky (0)
Active User Posts: 243 Registered: Jun 03, '07 Location: Havasu City, AZ USA |
Not really. I love women's underwear: ON WOMEN. Men in panties is a travesty. I get nothing from a pair of skivvies unless there's a woman inside them. And I've never worn any on my head. Though I suppose there is a first time for everything. ;) You know what I hate the most about selfish people? It's that they don't think enough about MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! | |
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| 01-30-10 12:09pm - 5224 days | #15 | |
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Capn (0)
Active User Posts: 1,740 Registered: Sep 05, '09 Location: Near the Beer! |
AAAAArrrghh! That is a mental image I can well do without!! I think you broke my brain!!! Cap'n ;0) Admiral of the PU Hindenburg. 2009 PU Award Hilarious Post of the Year 2010 PU Award ( I would have preferred it to be Helpful Post of the Year for Guys who Hate 'Retail Therapy' ) :0/ Sanity is in the eye of the Beholder! | |
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| 01-30-10 04:18pm - 5223 days | #16 | |
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Drooler (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 1,831 Registered: Mar 11, '07 Location: USA |
No, I'd never heard of it! Wow! Well, with all due respect to Stevie Tyler, if this is living better, just FORGET IT! I wanted something new, so I left England for New England. | |
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| 01-30-10 07:02pm - 5223 days | #17 | |
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slutty (0)
Active User Posts: 475 Registered: Mar 02, '09 Location: Pennsylvania |
Seriously, but my favorite is the ATV: http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?paged=179 I don't think a cavelier is built for that... Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited. | |
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| 12-04-11 08:58am - 4551 days | #18 | |
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Cybertoad (0)
Disabled User  Posts: 2,158 Registered: Jan 01, '08 Location: Wash |
There is a whole bunch new from this year, pretty funny sh*t. Since 2007 | |
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| 07-12-15 04:44pm - 3234 days | #19 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended  Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
Ever notice the number of obscenely, fat woman who shop at Wal-Mart? And far-too many almost always grab one of the few remaining electric carts (Put there for we who're old and unable to walk) otherwise being used to wheel their own pair of ton-bun back-sides seemingly forever throughout the aisles. Seeing all this when I shop there brings back memories of those movies depicting aliens collecting live humans from our planet to transport into holding areas at home wherein selectively feeding on them at will for needed protein, fat and other nourishment already on short supply there. They can simply hover over a Wal-Mart store ....turn on their powerful fat magnets and within minutes vacuum up a month's supply of varying meaty, multiple ethnic body-parts for fun-filled barbequing at a later time.  | |
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| 07-12-15 06:30pm - 3234 days | #20 | |
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pat362 (0)
Active User  Posts: 3,575 Registered: Jan 23, '07 Location: canada |
^On sort of a somewhat similar thread. How often have you seen someone park in an handicap zone that is either not handicap or who walks out of their car without any visible handicap requiring parking as near as possible to the door? I sort of wish that I lived in a world where people were more considerate of others and those people who are healthy like me don't actually use the nearest parking spot in a parking lot but instead one that is a little further so that people that who may or may not be handicap but have a much greater need to be close to the door actually have a spot. Long live the Brown Coats. | |
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| 07-12-15 08:19pm - 3234 days | #21 | |
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graymane (0)
Suspended Posts: 1,411 Registered: Feb 20, '10 Location: Virginia |
As one who is handy-caped as about as bad as it gets ....I for one couldn't agree with you more Pat. Its all I can do wielding two canes and fighting untreatable, blinding knee pain ...to inch my way to whatever ride I'm lucky enough to muster from angelic friends and/or "by the hour fees payable to those using my car to transport me to and fro." That taps a very sad note: ......because I'm provably convinced I can drive safely without physical assistance or any helpful devices ....assuredly far better than I can walk ......but I'm advised for overall caution to stay away from behind the wheel and be content henceforth always being a passenger. ..... It ain't easy, though, for a veteran of 60 years behind the wheel to give up that right. | |
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